Maybe you have been living in a World War II bunker for the last week and a half and missed the fact that Beyoncé released a new visual album Lemonade and that it is the best thing any of us have ever heard/seen. If that is the case, surprise! Stop living in a bunker. There’s no good music there.
But for those of us who are more keyed into the pop culture circus, we have spent a lot of time digesting this album and asking the tough questions. What is Beyoncé trying to say about black female identity? How does Beyoncé merge so many disparate genres into one coherent sound?
Jk lol, the main thing is to slut shame that bitch Jay Z was cheating on her with.
Who is “Becky with the good hair” that Beyoncé mentions in “Sorry”? Is she fashion designer Rachel Roy who was at the Met Gala when Solange attacked Jay Z? Is she celebrity chef Rachael Ray, whose name is very similar to Rachel Roy and thus was getting cyberbullied a ton this past week? Is she British popstar Rita Ora for some reason I’m too lazy to look up? Signs point to no, but please, let’s ignore the trenchant political commentary of Lemonade and get to the bottom of this.
I do not know anything about Jay Z’s personal life, but what I’m saying to you is this: What if Becky with the good hair is Taylor Swift?
I hear you. That makes absolutely no sense. Why would Jay Z have an affair with Taylor Swift?
Let us consider the facts.
For one, are you aware of the meme “no its becky”? Here is an amazing tumblr post that will change your life:
This post went so viral that T-Swizzle has a shirt that says “no its becky”. Here, look:
Becky could easily be a codename for Taylor Swift. Plus she has amazing hair, no joke.
But, A.C., you protest, does Taylor Swift even know Jay Z?
Yes, yes, he came to her 25th birthday. Look at this picture of Justin Timberlake and T-Swizzle with Mr .and Mrs. Carter that I may or may not have saved to my computer as “best photo” for making my desktop wallpaper on occasion:
I know what you’re thinking. That’s not enough basis to make an argument. I would just say that it has even more of a basis than some of your other arguments.
Okay, okay, but hasn’t Taylor Swift been slut shamed enough? Shouldn’t we leave her alone?
It is precisely because Taylor Swift has been slut shamed as much as she has that you should focus her energy on her instead. Taylor Swift can handle your name-calling. She has gotten so good at it she made a whole album about it, and won a Grammy for it. If you call her names and pretend she’s sleeping with some other arbitrarily chosen male celebrity, she will just write a hit pop song about it and become even more popular. It’s win-win.
I’m just suggesting if you are going to spend a lot of time worrying about an affair that Beyoncé has already made pretty clear that she has moved past, please consider Taylor.
Or just, you know, worry about something else.