I Am Not Finished Talking About One Direction

You thought after this lengthy post I was done talking about One Direction. You thought after their new song came up in my serious post about ADHD that I was done talking about One Direction.

But you were so wrong. The only time I will be done talking about One Direction is when they pry the crinkled photo of Louis Tomlinson out of my cold dead hands. I posted before ranking all the videos that by how often I googled to prove they were of a legitimate age to date, but then they came up with a new video for this song “Perfect”, and I know that you’re all wondering, “Where does it rank? What does she think of this one? I can’t form an opinion alone.” DON’T WORRY. I AM HERE TO HELP.

First of all, let us talk about the song itself. It is obviously the best One Direction song of all time. (Sorry Zayn.) This is for two reasons: For one, it is acknowledging the fact that all of the One Direction boys would make awful boyfriends, a fact that we all knew but had yet to hear the boys admit. Secondly, it is clearly about the relationship between Harry Styles and Taylor Swift.  Thank CHRIST. It has come at last.

But A.C., you say? How do you know it is about Taylor Swift? Well, the chorus is like, “If you like making trouble up in hotel rooms,” and there was tabloid coverage of them leaving a hotel room together. And then it’s like, “If you like midnight driving with the windows down,” and “Style”, Swift’s song about Harry Styles starts, “Midnight, you come and pick me up no headlights.” But mostly it’s for the final verse when Harry sings, “And if you like cameras flashing every time we go out / And if you want somebody to write your breakup songs about.” Also, if you play “Style” and “Perfect” at the same time, it’s pretty clear they’re the exact same song.

But is the video any good? Unfortunately, no. No, it is not. It is black-and-white and boring, and even when Liam literally gets a tattoo onscreen as part of the video, I’m still like, “Meh, over it.” Also, what has been going on with Harry’s hair over the last couple years? Cut your hair, boy. You look like a jungle animal.

I would rank it between “Gotta Be You” and “Drag Me Down”, because at least in “Drag Me Down” there were spacesuits. This is an emo mess and we deserve better. Here is a video of petting a fox that I would much rather watch:

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About A.C.

Amateur time-traveler
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