Here is something you probably were not curious about: As of Sunday, I am riding the crimson wave. I am in the red tent. Aunt Irma is visiting. I feel like by the time you turn twenty-six, you should have a good grasp on when your period is coming, and how to handle it. I do not. I always feel like that scene in Carrie when she gets her first period during her gym class shower and everyone throws tampons at her.
In honor of my period, I would like to present you with the best movies to watch while menstruating. I hope this can be a helpful list to you during your time of need, but if not, I hope you are not bothered by excessive talk about That Time of the Month. Anyway, here goes:
Rosemary’s Baby (1968)
This is the ultimate, the gold standard. All other movies for watching during your period pale in comparison. Young woman is just trying to live her life and everyone around her is a satanist. Word. Her body is revolting against itself, her uterus is feeling all tight and weird and she’s weak all over. This movie was made for periods. Done.
For reasons already stated: the shower scene. Also for the climactic scene, when they dump pig’s blood on her and she kills everyone in her high school. Because when I am on my period, I am covered in blood and ready to kill everyone. This is an excellent film choice.
The Virgin Suicides (1999)
This is a gentler choice than the first two, but it still conveys the fact that having a sexualized female body is a terrifying thing that no one should have to deal with. This is for the period where you just want to snuggle under the covers and feel sad. You could also read the book, because the book is great too.
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf (1966)
Sometimes you just want to yell at everybody and that is okay. After you watch this movie, you can reenact scenes from it at the top of your lungs. “GEORGE, MY HUSBAND . . . GEORGE WHO IS OUT SOMEWHERE THERE IN THE DARK, WHO IS GOOD TO ME–WHOM I REVILE, WHO CAN KEEP LEARNING THE GAMES WE PLAY AS QUICKLY AS I CAN CHANGE THEM . . .” etc.
Pride and Prejudice (1995)
“But A.C.,” you say, “Unlike you, I am not the type of person who gets her period and wants to kill all men. Sometimes I just want to watch something nice and happy.” That’s fine. For you I recommend the BBC Pride and Prejudice. Make some tea. Watch all six hours. Hibernate under some blankets. Do not answer your phone. It will be all right.
*I have not seen Throne of Blood (or any Kurosawa, for that matter) so I am not recommending this as a period movie. I am told by Megan that it is the most boring of Kurosawa’s Shakespeare adaptations, but maybe that’s what you want on your period. Bitch, I don’t know your life!