Relationship Goals

Recently a photoset emerged on tumblr that I have not been able to look away from. It is of Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal eating when they used to date. I would like to talk about it now.

Okay, first there is this one. Like, what is her face here? It’s like she has something really hot in her mouth but also it’s hard to chew? And he’s just like, passively eating soup trying to be patient. I can’t.

And then here, he’s finally decided to help her eat the soup because she cannot feed herself. He looks so concerned with what’s going to happen now. Can she do it? I don’t know!

Ahh, she has taken control of her own destiny now. She is leaning back and forcing food into her mouth, but Jake is still supportive by the arm around her chair. He’s beginning to look a little sad, like he wishes he had a girlfriend who could feed herself better, but he’s still committed.

She is trying to eat on her own now best she can, and Jake is starting to think, “Maybe I should go out with Taylor Swift instead?” JK LOL TAYLOR SWIFT WAS PROBABLY TWELVE WHEN THESE PHOTOS WERE TAKEN. But seriously, it’s clear he’s thinking about moving on here.

NOOOOOOO JAKEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! You can’t escape it. You are drawn to helping this woman eat. When will you ever be free?

This is the most functional of the entire photoset. Here she appears to be talking (albeit mid-eating, can’t be helped) and he’s patiently listening. He’s still very concerned for her, and her motor skills are still lacking, but they seem like they could be a functioning couple in this photo. All could be resolved quite nicely until . . .

ABSOLUTELY NOT, KIRSTEN. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU EAT A SALAD. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP THIS WOMAN.

How is everyone’s Thursday going? I applied for five jobs today, so maybe soon I’ll have something to do with my life. Jk lol I’m going to keep looking at photos of early 2000s Jake Gyllenhaal until I die.

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About A.C.

Amateur time-traveler
This entry was posted in pop culture and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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