Recently I did a stupid thing and I rewatched the movie Some Kind of Wonderful. It’s a John Hughes movie from the 80’s which is basically just Pretty in Pink in reverse. Male protagonist with close female BFF who lusts after him, falls in love with rich girl, tries to woo her but this time around, the best friend wins. This is partly because she is an awesome drummer who wears boxers instead of panties and goes by her nickname Watts, and partly because . . . she is an awesome drummer who wears boxers instead of panties and goes by her nickname Watts.
I rewatched it because I was going through this awkward phase of being really close friends with a guy who I had feelings for, and I was taking comfort in the fact that even though the main character of the movie thinks he’s in love with this other girl, ultimately he realizes that his best friend is the one for him. Watts may not be a girl’s girl (and neither am I), but at the end of the day, he comes around.
It is a piece of shit movie and I should never watch it again. Because in real life, if a guy “just wants to be friends” with you but you’re still in love with him, you need to NEVER SEE THAT PERSON AGAIN. Okay, maybe, if after many years, you’re like fully over it and married with three kids, and he had an accident at a chemical factory so he’s horribly disfigured, and not in like an ugly pretty way but like in an actually ugly way, and also maybe his penis fell off, then maybe, MAYBE, you should proceed with caution. I don’t know. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life.
But you cannot keep living your life trying to besties with someone who doesn’t feel the same way, because at the end of the day, you’ll spend every day tormenting yourself trying to make sure you haven’t texted him too much, or you’ve inserted the proper amount of space between hangouts, and it is the WORST. Inside you think it’s the best because it’s so fun when you hang out together, but it is not worth it. It is way too much mental energy and it will tear you apart when you could be hanging out with your friends who actually, you know, like you an equitable amount.
Because in real life, and you may be surprised to learn this, but in real life when someone says they don’t like you that way, it means that they don’t like you that way. And even if you pray to all your saints, and I’m talking St. Teresa, your confirmation saint; St. Jude, patron saint of lost causes; St. Valentine, patron saint of love; St. Joan of Arc patron saint of feminists who have at one point sported short hair . . . there is no way that that person is going to change their mind. And you need to find someone who appreciates you for everything you are, and not just part of it.
I like to imagine that Duckie from Pretty in Pink and Watts from Some Kind of Wonderful meet in college, and reminisce on the pieces of shit, boring ass people they pined over in high school. Then they eventually get married, have a really cool awesome alternative family together, and maybe own a record shop. They both deserve better than the awful movies they’re in. As for me, I’m planning to do a lot of yoga and writing and to learn to be kinder to myself. Blergh.